Has it really been that long since we have shared a laugh (we had many) or held each-other in a mother-daughter embrace? She is forever in my heart, and missing her never goes away; some days, just a hint of missing, and others an intense ache.
There are questions I have, especially now that I have my own daughter who resembles me in many ways, and whose best friend I am. 'What was I like that at 12? What did you think? You never seemed impatient. How did you do that?' 'Mom, guess what! Remember when I did...your granddaughter, she is too!'
I don't feel that my mom is missing out by not being here, how could she be? She is at the feet of Jesus. I don't feel that we are missing out either. God, in His goodness, has provided love and added to our family in marvelous ways that leave me in awe. It's just that I miss her. And that's okay...as long as I do not let missing her cause me to miss out on the beauty that God has for today. (She would not want that anyway!) I am missing her while looking forward to eternity instead of missing her looking back to what can never be right now. So, I live with an ache, an empty place in my heart that is hers alone. And yet, my heart is able to ever increase in its capacity to add love....expanded heart, more love, with empty, longing places...all at once.
Oh, how I am thankful that she introduced me to Jesus, impressed His love upon my heart, and taught me to love Him; and because of Him, this painful separation is not the end, but a mere speck in the expanse of eternity. Oh what we have to look forward to!
And I am grateful for the ache, to have someone to ache for. To have been loved so intensely that I have reason to miss her intensely. Sadly, some have not know this kind of love. I am one of the blessed ones. I have the opportunity to seek out and share the kind of love my mother gave me with those that are hurting and feeling unloved.
At the end of her time here on earth, when we all got together to celebrate her life, her memorial service stretched to 3 hours. Those who shared all spoke of her love. Her love for God. (He is a resounding first place in her life.) Her love for her family. (fierce) Her love for others. (faithful)
I choose to carry on her torch, passing on her legacy of love to my children; and to love others faithfully with His love, the way she did.